There are worse things than Childbirth….

As many of you know I’m expecting baby number 4 any day now and am fully confident of bringing this new life into the world with minimal assistance, at home, as drama free as can be…..of course!

So here is my Diary of Home Birth number 4 part 1…..(to be continued….)

Mild Contractions start around 3pm (as per normal – been a few days like this between 3 – 7pm) I’m 41 weeks or so now….no need for sweeps or examinations – just leaving Mother Nature to have her way.

I think to myself ‘let’s quickly chop up some bits for dinner to chuck in slow cooker’ I had picked up a pack of fresh chillies earlier so just grabbed one randomly chopped up and put into veg chilli… you do….

*****A Habanero Chilli*****

These guys should come with an illuminated sign warning ⚠️ (well there was instructions on the pack to WEAR GLOVES but I wasn’t concentrating on reading about all the different types of chilli’s in the pack I bought)

So when my lip and left nostril started BURNING I thought ‘woah that wasn’t any old chilli….oh crap how do I stop the burning? I’m breathing through contractions with a burning nose, oh and I think I just ruined dinner ??‍♀️’

Sent hubby out for soured cream to help us eat the dinner I just destroyed with an extra hot chilli – I put coconut oil/honey and soured cream on my nose – eventually subsided around 6pm ?

Contractions starting to get a bit more intense, kept going to the toilet – good sign ??

Chose to only eat the smallest amount of chilli incase tonight is the night, don’t want to overload my bowels…..aaaaaand yep dinner was ruined ? all my kids holding their mouths and shouting for help – no amount of soured cream could sort this chilli disaster I had inflicted on everyone – eventually resorted to crisps for dinner….they were more excited that baby might be arriving soon anyway.

By 10pm contractions getting pretty strong, I’m thinking my waters are gonna go everytime I change position, still going to the toilet frequently (washing my hands as I go….) annoyingly though I think I got some chilli under my fingernail it’s starting to bug me when contractions go off all I can feel is tingling in my thumb and finger.

11pm my left hand fingers all start BURNING, literally like they are on fire ?I start to remember I used that hand to hold and pick up the chilli and in the drama of my left nostril I didn’t think to treat my hand with anything. Great – now need to stop INSANE burning in hand FAST because it’s more painful than anything I’ve ever experienced in my life so far.

So I start Googling how to calm chilli burns and learn that the chilli oil is EXTREMELY hard to remove and must be neutralised in order to stop the burning and DO NOT USE WATER as it spreads the oil increasing the burning……sooooooo the amount of times I washed my hands after going to the toilet in last 4 hours was probably nearly 8-9 times – yes, using water……Oh the JOY!!

The burning is UNCONTROLLABLE and I can’t keep my hand still – flapping it around, almost crying, in an attempt to calm/cool the burning sensation.

Asked hubby to get me the rest of the soured cream out the fridge and shoved my whole hand in the tub…..ahhhhh relief! Breathing through some contractions on all fours with left hand in a tub of soured cream….looking swell – can I get a photo please ???

20 mins later, the soured cream is no longer working, hand is burning again, oh lord HELP!!!!

I tried:

Dish Soap

Olive Oil

Coconut Oil

and then…..

Requested my husband go out to buy milk as a last resort (it’s now midnight and all local shops are shut – it’s 20 minutes to the supermarket)

In the meantime I go back to the soured cream and allow it to burn the bajeezers out of my hand and dry like plaster of Paris in the hope it will absorb the chilli oil as it dried….it kinda worked.

Hubby comes back with ice cold milk – ahhhhhh finally relief – now how long do I have to hold it in the milk? Some blogs said HOURS, one guy wrote “It took 12 hours for the burning to stop completely” ARE YOU ACTUALLY JOKING!!! ???

So I fell asleep last night at 00.45 with my hand in a bowl of milk and all signs of imminent labour cancelled out by a Habanero freaking Chilli ?

My last thought before I drifted off was ‘If I deliver this baby tonight and I haven’t neutralised/removed this chilli oil from my hand I won’t be able touch my baby or I’ll chilli burn her at birth!!” Imagine having to dip your newborn baby in MILK because they are uncontrollably screaming due to you burning them at birth with flipping chilli oil-ridden fingers!! ??

So, that’s part 1, last night, in the WORST PAIN EVER but nothing to do with my baby who stopped coming due to an epic Chilli-based drama ??

What do you think?